Random Rants On Life & Stuff

Driving home tonight it was star bursts and halos for most of the drive home.  The tears just kept coming down. Blowing through the open windows the warm summer air made its best attempt at erasing the evidence.

My sister and her family are heading back to Florida after a long visit.  I spent most of the evenings during their visit at my parent’s house enjoying dinner and playing with my nieces Emily [5 1/2], Hannah [2] and getting to know my new nephew Benjamin [2.5 months] who changed before my eyes during this three-week visit. 

Being single and not having any kids of my own it is always eye opening to watch a family with three young children attend to all the needs.  The non-stop insistence to “watch this” or “see me” or “look.” 

Eye contact is required whenever a passing comment is made in the room by my nieces.  The difference is: at their age there is no such thing as a passing comment.  Everything requires complete attention.  Deliberate eye contact.  Failure to do so causes the “track” to go on “repeat” until they are absolutely certain you have understood and absorbed the full measures of what they are sharing with you.

“Uncle Dan.  UNCLE DAN!  UNCLE DAN!”

“What!?”

“Watch.”

“Okay.”

“Watch.”

“I’m watching, go ahead…”

“Are you ready?  Watch.”

“I’m watching.  Go.  Show me.”

“Okay, here I go.  Are you watching?”

“ I’m watching honey.  Show me!  I’m ready.”

“Okay, it’s pretty cool.  Okay here it goes.”

[She jumps down the three steps to the family room with the passion and energy as if she had jumped from the roof of one building to another]

“See.  Did you see that?  Did you see what I did?”

“Wow!  That was a big jump – nice work!”

“Watch I’ll do it again.  Are you watching, Uncle Dan!?”

“Yes, Emily.  I’m watching you.  Do it again.”

After the girls had gone to bed we were sitting around watching TV and having small talk.  As the night pressed on it was getting late and it was time for me to go.  I was saying goodbye to Michael and my parents I looked up towards the kitchen and could see my sister starting to cry. 

“Julie, don’t start because you will make me cry.”  I said giving her a hard time as I gave her a big bear hug.

I know why she’s crying.  The time is up.  “Pencils down.”  Have you ever had that happen to you? You reach the end of a trip to see family or a dinner with old friends?  This bittersweet sadness sort of washes over you out of nowhere. 

It happened to me when I was living in Alabama back in 2004.  Julie and Michael were at Michael’s parents down in Louisiana.  I drove down to visit for one night.  I remember saying goodbye the next morning to all Michael’s family and trying to hurry up and get to the car because I was about to lose it.  I asked Julie to walk me out to the car.  It was just the two of us and I gave her a big hug and cried.  Then of course she started crying.  The trip was over and we both wanted more time.  More time to connect and talk.  Like when we were kids.

It would be Friday night – I was in high school - and I was home around midnight.  There would be a Post-It on my mirror from my sister:

“Let me know when you are home -Julie.”

So often I would stop by her room and we’d talk about what I did that night with my friends from church.  She would talk to me about her day and what was going on with her.  It really seems like yesterday that the two of us we “debriefing” each other about life.  Julie in bed.  Me crashed on top of her comforter still wearing my jacket from coming home.  We were two kids sharing life together and doing our best not to talk too loud and wake mom and dad.

Tonight as I looked in my sister’s eyes – all red and wet with tears - for a moment there I saw my little sister looking at her big-brother wishing it could last just a little bit longer.  I couldn’t agree more. 

I love you, Julie.  You are such a blessing to my life.  You are a wonderful mother and wife.  I could not be more proud of you. – Dan (BB)